I Don’t Have Much Money…..

I am oftentimes inspired by music. Although ususally it’s not music that is currently playing but a tune that is stuck in my head. We all have them right? Hopefully they’re mostly good tunes not some obnoxious ditty  we’ve heard on a commercial. Lately, I’ve been inspired by Sir Elton John. I don’t have much money, but if I did, I’d buy a big house where we both could live.”This tune brought about a conversation with my husband last night. Ashamedly, I had purchased a couple of lottery tickets as it was my birthday and I thought, what the heck? Driving home after dinner I was fantasizing as to what our lives would look like if we ‘won’. I was thinking a bigger/nicer house here in FL, one where the kids are and one over by my sister, you know, real estate investments. Ahem… Then I asked my adorable husband who has been going through a terribly rough time career wise what he would want to do with the winnings. He answered, I’d want to keep things as they are other than helping our family members and those less fortunate and to further his education for the love of learning. Wow! Wake up call, I thought. But that is just like him, unselfish and thinking of others before himself.

I pondered this and realized that simple thing is what we’re here for. To help others. There are many, many ways to do that of course, but I firmly believe we need to do it to the extent that we’re able. It might be a card, a phone call, a text, visit or a meal. It doesn’t have to be anything huge! A couple of years ago after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had so much love and support from friends, family and strangers! I’ve had a lot of self doubt, self esteem issues in my life and this single period in my life brought about a healing I cannot put into words. It wasn’t any one thing that a person or persons did. It was a collective act of love, kindness, thoughts, prayers, food, cards, ect… No one thing meant more than the others. This healing is because of the acts of unselfish love, time and kindness.

I hope I remember this the next time I want something bigger or better, or where I want to go next or for that matter what I want to ‘Be’. 

“Do small things with great love.” ~ Mother Teresa

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Butterflies are Free to Fly….

This song is a sort of sad song, but I love it.  We are all free to fly, free to dream.

As C.S. Lewis said. “We are never to old to dream a new dream”.  I am so happy & relieved to believe that is true! I’ve had many dreams, some came and went, others were and are being fulfilled each and every day I wake up.

Having a birthday today makes me happy. Happy to be here to celebrate one more trip around the sun! After the last two years of being cancer free, I count each day as a gift. They have all been gifts but I’ve fretted away more days than I care to think about. Life is just too short to be anything but happy and grateful. Even if I’m not happy at any given moment, I can be grateful, then before long I will be ‘happy’ once again. That’s just how it works. If I take the time to count my blessings, I have no time to complain. My husband, my family, my friends, my home, my health, my freedom and my faith.

Faith has brought me through some of the scariest times in my life. Faith has brought hope when there has seemed to be no hope, only darkness and dreams dashed. Loved ones leaving, rejection, failed health, self abuse in many forms, abuse from others, dashed self confidence. I could go on and on.. But the one thing that has remained constant is the hand of God on my life. I know it’s there, it’s always been there. Even in the darkest of times when my faith wandered and I wondered if there was a God. If there was I thought, how could I possibly be in this state (whatever that was at the time), but time and time again, I have been picked up and dusted off and put back on the road, my journey if you will to be free. Free to be me and to love myself unconditionally as HE loves me. It’s not easy, I’ve messed up more times than I can count. But I know I’m loved. I can feel it in my soul. It’s more than an earthly love, it’s an unconditional acceptance. No matter what! This inspires me to be more like Him. To love and accept others unconditionally. The unloveable, the ones who have hurt me most…..Somehow, this increases my faith, my hope that one day we will be truly free. Until then, dream and do and be as free as you can be.

“He who the son sets free is free indeed.” John 8:36