If I am  Cancer Free, Then Why am I so sad?

My tests results were good today. I awoke at 4:00 am thinking about seeing my oncologist. I love her. I’m feeling well and my prognosis is good. It’s been 2 years now since I had 16 rounds of chemo and 4 surgeries. Other than some minor aches and pains that come with a ‘certain age’ I am doing well. However, until they tell me every 6 months that I am clear…. Well, it’s unsettling. So today I got the good news again. I was relieved but not happy, not really. Why? I had to ask myself. Well, there is Paris… and before my appointment I had lunch with a dear friend that just returned from India. Listening to her stories about her trip made me so aware of how blessed I am to live here. In this country, in this town, born free and living what most of the world would consider an extravagant lifestyle.

I was reminded by Pastor Andy Stanley this week while listening to a series on happiness that if you make thirty thousand dollars a year you are in the top 1% wage earners in the world. Does that make you feel rich? It did me. I have everything I need. Although my husband lost his job recently, we are still ok, at least for now. We don’t need to be afraid that we will have to resort to begging or digging in trash piles like the children in the pictures my friend showed me on her cell phone. Then a phone call came from my daughter whose good friend delivered a full term still born baby girl. Devastating  bad news. How could I be celebrating my good fortune when so many others that I know and countless others that I don’t are suffering in a way that most of us will never experience? The only thing that brought me comfort tonight was that we are called to “Carry one anothers burdens and this way we will fullfill the law of Christ.” The way I was carried through the scariest time in my life. This is what we do. This is how we go on. I must carry that sweet mama with empty arms tonight and the hungry, homeless and the sick. However I can and the best way I can. Prayers to the Father tonight for all, and yes gratefulness for my healing. But only because I am then able to carry the next one, carry them to Him. The one who can truly heal.

~Galations 6:2